Our Gay Kazekage
by Mattell
Summary: Temari has some suspisions about Gaara's sexuality, so she goes to question him about it and... hears some things she would rather not. Set before Shippuden. One-shot, meaning short, sweet, and to the point... Kinda. Rated for minimal swearing and suggestive dialogue.


**Hello there! So I seem to enjoy doing silly little one-shots (they are quite amusing), and I hope you find them- this one in particular- amusing too! Sorry it's short, but please enjoy! **

_**Our Gay Kazekage**_

It was a peaceful, warm and sunny day in Sunagakure. Everyone was smiling and laughing without a care in the world.

Except for a certain blonde fan-wielding kunoichi.

Temari sighed, again. While she couldn't deny that the Village Hidden in the Sand was running smoothly and properly, she just wasn't so sure about its Kazekage.

Her little brother, to be exact.

Being the loving, caring, somewhat overbearing and pushy sister she was, Temari was determined to find out if her worst suspicions were true.

Those suspicions being that Gaara was gay.

After all, she had never witnessed, nor heard of someone witnessing (_please_, if Gaara didn't do anything around her, his awesome Nee-chan, he wouldn't do it in front of anyone else) Gaara showing interest in a female. That is, romantic interest, not Crush-the-Life-Out-of-Her-Body interest. _Those days are far behind us now, _Temari reminded herself firmly, _Gaara would never do that now._

So, back to the topic of confirming her suspicions (and fears, though if Gaara was gay she would be completely supportive- if not a little teasing), she was now making her way up the Kazekage's base of operations (the big tower smack-bang in the middle of the village) and up the flight of stairs to his office. Suddenly, Temari felt rather scared, and wished Kankuro was here with her, if only to share the force of Gaara's wrath (and the awkwardness) when she asked the –somewhat intrusive, but she has a right to know- question. But alas, the make-up wearing puppeteer had been whisked off by Chiyo to help her with some puppet-or-other, and she hadn't seen him since the morning. Temari walked and came to face another flight of stairs leading to the roof. _Shit, went too far, _she thought, and retraced her footsteps to outside Gaara's office door. She raised her hand to barge in on her little brother and demand what he was doing-

And she almost did, but then she heard a moan. _WHAAAAT?_

Temari quickly masked her chakra, hoping that the occupants of the office hadn't heard her, and quickly pressed her ear to the door. What she heard nearly gave her a heart attack.

"Oh, God, Kankuro, no more!"

…Okay, she could just be hearing things, and she probably just happened to begin listening to the middle of the conversation-

"No, damnit, baka, don't put it in there! Besides, it won't fit!"

"Why not? I think it'll fit."

"Because it… just… just… it just won't, okay?"

"No, not okay, I want to put it in, Gaara!"

If Gaara's deep voice hadn't confirmed it, hearing his name from Kankuro's lips just did. _Oh dear Lord, please don't let them be doing what I think they're doing! _Temari mentally whined.

"…Can I put it in now?"

"No!"

"Whyyy?"

"Cause… it causes me pain."

"How the hell does it cause you pai-?"

"Are you kidding me? Have you ever tried being on the receiving end of this shit?"

"…Well…no."

"Well take it from the guy who has- not fun, not painless, not even remotely nice."

Oh Kami-sama, he had done it _before?_ Temari was close to wailing out loud now.

"…Not at all?"

"You want to try? Cause I can give you a demonstration. A real _good _one."

Temari whimpered. _I will support, I will support, I will-_

Suddenly, a bang sounded from the room currently hidden to her view.

"Ow! Gaara, not so hard!"

"You asked for it."

"No I didn't!"

"Eh, I know you wanted to."

"Shit… this really does hurt. Already it's cramping and seizing."

_I WILL SUPPORT, I WILL SUPPORT, I WILL FUCKING SUPPORT._

"…Can we stop now?"

"No."

"Eh? Gaara, why not?"

"I rather like this view."

"Of course you do."

That was it. She couldn't take it anymore. Temari burst into the office, and brandishing her mighty fan and yelled:

"YOU TWO WILL STOP IT RIGHT NOW! RIGHT. NOW!"

"…" Was the reply. Temari gazed around the office to see Kankuro sitting in Gaara's chair at his desk scribbling furiously on a sheet of paper with Gaara, in all his Kazekage glory, lounging against the wall behind Kankuro. He was watching him forge his signature on the many piles of paper scattered on the desk and shoving them into an overloaded tray on said cluttered desk. They both looked up and blanched when the furious whirlwind of their sister stormed in.

"…You guys were doing _paperwork?_"

_**The End**_

**So, liked it? Hated it? Please let me know! (Again, sorry about the shortness, and I apologise to those who were expecting a yaoi. I do plan on some of that in the future, but...eh.)**

**~Kaede**


End file.
